Holiday Rant

So I'm gonna sit here and rant about holidays specifically national ones eg halloween, christmas and all that malarchy. I shall start off with Halloween as it is upon us now. I shall state one sentence I believe I heard on an old channel 4 comedy called Reaper, 'Halloween is the commercialisation of evil'. Hell, demons and the devil etc are supposed to amit fear in to people but due to people all the 'cute' kids going round trick or treating with 'scary' costumes the fear is no longer there and hasn't been for decades. Also if you haven't seen Reaper before go check it out, it got cancelled after the 2nd series but is pretty good show. Also the whole trick or treat thing I grew up with the whole don't talk to strangers or don't take sweets off strangers etc.. notion drilled in to me. The once a year we openly let this happen so long as you dress up to do it? Really? Do we not see the hypocrisy  here. 

Then we come on the the next big one, christmas. Christmas the holiday that if you say anything bad about it or disagree with it. You are looked down upon, dubbed grinch, scrooge or just cheap because you disagree with buying presents purely because it's the end of the year. If you are christian or pagan and believe or follow one of the many reasons behind christmas (commercialism doesn't count) like the birth of christ or the winter solstice I have absolutely no problem at all with you celebrating this holiday at all. But I can guarantee the majority of the country, those who go putting up christmas decorations, buying presents and all that, you know the red and white Santa Claus christmas, these people (going on assumption here) don't follow christianity or paganism. It is a religious holiday either way, damn near everyone I know (to my knowledge) aren't religious. You could argue I save all year to afford these presents, or it brings the family together. I counter argue if you want to give people presents be it friends and family who is to stop you buying them throughout the year and doing it then. And if you want to bring the family together, go out and bring the family together, get to talking, make plans, make it happen. You shouldn't be essentially forced (I use that term lightly) to buy unnecessary gifts just because society says so. 

And last but not least be will get on to the worst offender of them all, Valentines Day. The day which is chosen for you by society to show your love to your partner. I say if you are in a relationship, in love etc... why should you be made to declare feelings on a specific day be it through actions or be it through presents. If you want to show them how you feel just go do it. Doesn't matter if it is on the 14th of February or the 23rd of August. This is commercialisation at it's worst. I am single right now, but if I happened to be in a relationship, I would completely boycott Valentines Day and do what everyone else tends to do on a different day when I felt like showing said person affection. I'm not going to have society tell me when I should show affection to people I like, just like I shouldn't have to put up with them telling me I have to buy things on certain days.

This rant was brought to you by some random wall post on Facebook. Also coffee.

Actually as I am here I shall also give an update of the beard of beardedness as it seems ages since I have done one and here you are.

Reading on the Toilet

To be honest I never really understood the whole read while you crap thing. I have tried it in the past, but to be honest unless you are severely constipated or have the shits there is really no time at all to read anything worth while. If you read while you have the shits, good for you. I bring this up due to the fact the guardian actually had an article about this, if you want to give it a read here is the link.

I just don't understand why people do it. The few times I have done it I either ended up sat there far to long actually getting into the book and forgetting about the reason I actually went to the toilet for, if I wanted to sit down and read a book surely I would want to do it without my arse out on display or I'll be done crapping within a minute or so and end up reading half a sentence which is no point really as it would take literally years to finish a book reading it a couple sentences a day.

With the exception of constipation or the shits as you would be there for quite awhile, I really don't get why people read while crapping.

Should we boycott toilet seats?

I hsd an interesting thought earlier about toilets. Bare with me on this, what I don't get is why are all your standard toilets not build with a toilet seat attatched. Think about it, you buy a new toilet and set up in your bathroom, but you can't use it. You still have to go buy a toilet seat.

I want to crap now though, I shouldn't have to hold it in or do that awkward hover to drop the kids off at the pool. I generally want to know why you have to buy toilet seats separate from toilets and why toilet seats wern't put in to the design process of actually toilet. The fact we have to buy them separate is quite frankly ridiculous. You might argue but the why it is we can get 'novelty' toilet seats, I counter that point with what the hell is the point in fancy toilet seats, people don't buy toilets to look at how pretty they are, they buy them for 2 reasons.
I for one look forward to a world where the toilet seat industry doesn't exist and toilet and toilet seat are joined together as one just like they should be. I just don't get why this isn't the standard for toilets nation wide.

Random Title

So it's been a little over a week since the last bearded update and I haven't rambled on pointlessly for a while either so that is what I shall be doing for the next few minutes as I let my fingers type away and we will see what crap comes up. I am really starting to like my beard now, it is getting rather beardly, and apparently beardly isn't a word according to spell check, so I might go patent the word and get it put in the dictionary and get royalties some how every time some one says it. So what have I been up to I hear you all ask, frankly it's same as always at this moment in time, get up, watch latest tv as I watch at american pace and get all your sitcoms and random american comedies weeks in advance of british tv. South Park has started again by the way for all that might be interested so no doubt it'll be turning up on comedy central in a few weeks or something. It's pretty funny, the episode is about aspergers and Cartman starts a burger stand, anyway I'll not give to much away for anyone that hasn't seen it yet. Where was I, yeah same shit different day really, but I find stuff to keep me amused. Right now I have downloaded a load of custom Left 4 Dead campaigns and am going to play through all of them and I recently bought Enemy Territory: Quake Wars, it's a pretty old game but it's a decent game and I will be getting back into that again whenever it arrives in the post, it'll probably be monday or something. I'm in no hurry anyway. I can't really think of anything else to say so here is the latest on the bearded front.

The beard is still going.

So as I never really have much to say at the moment which is more than likely due to the fact I do sweet fuck all for a living at the minute. I am going to do weekly updates of the unemployment beard instead of daily. I am still taking a picture every day and at some point down the line I will do a beard growth montage quite possibly with Eye of the Tiger playing because all montages should use it. It's the one thing about life Rocky taught me, if you can a montage you need Rocky montage music to back it up. Anyway due to the weekly beardedness thing going on you can actually see a significant difference between the pics I am going to put on here as there is going to be a week of beardedness between them. Makes sense doesn't it. I need to go pee so I am gonna finish rambling here and shove up a picture quickly before I make a mess. So every ... wednesday I shall post a picture of the bearded progress. I may actually keep my beard even if I do get a job, I am kind of growing attatched to it. One last thing I think I might work on a decent background for this place instead of using a random template. We shall see.

I kind of gave up on the beard thing

It got to the stage where it was ridiculously itchy, so I shaved only to find that my face was still itchy, no idea why it just was, so in hindsight I should have just persevered with the unemployment beard of epicosity. This was verging on a week ago now, and I shall continue once again to become an unbelievable hairy bastard. Not got much else to ramble on about, I get far to bored to easily. So here be the last day of the first attempt, it was starting to get somewhere I kind of regret doing it now but hey, and todays new slightly less bearded erm beard aswell. A before and after if you will.

Dunno why the second pictures a strange colour but I really can't be arsed to play about with settings just to get it right so you will all have to deal with it. The camera doesn't really do the beardedness justice as I think I'm more beardy that I look in the pics.

Capital One are useless fucking cretins and I hate them.

It started last month, because they returned a payment even though I had enough cash in the bank to pay them. But I ended up getting 2 £12 fines first one for a returned payment which was there fault and going over my credit limit which again was there fault for the unnecessary first fine. So I just thought fuck it and paid off the fines and figured I can't be arsed phoning them and explaining yadda yadda bull shit. Now I find out they tried to take a direct debit this pay day for the amount I had already fucking paid. Resulting in another £24 in fines, again totally their fault for not checking and updating their system telling it I had already paid what had to be paid. So they will be getting a phone call shortly with me ranting down the phone demanding these bull shit charges be removed as it was entirely their fault. Fucking bastards. I'm skint enough as it is with another £24 quid to pay. Also here is beard, it's got a long way to go before it is a truly spectacular beard.

Clone Wars

I've started watching it as I was running out of new tv to watch and I've not seen it before, I've watched maybe half a dozen or so episodes. It's okay I guess, not as bad as a lot of people made it out to be. But you get angry nerds whatever ever you do anyway. You see Yoda fight an entire Battalion which is pretty cool. Anyway its now day 4 of the beard documentation, it's getting to that itchy stage now. I must persevere through this horrible stage of the beardedness and get past it. Anyway here it is, I'm trying to block out the window to reduce glare but didn't really work that well. I could always just take the picture later when it gets dark outside or just close the curtain but never thought of that until I uploaded the pic and wrote all of this and I frankly cba to do it now. I probably will do in the future, but that's for future Craig to deal with. I just unemployed for another job this morning aswell at Linden Hall, it's full time and well it gives me money should I happen to get it, except that there is not much else that I've seen. I'm sick of being unemployed I want more moneh. Something will turn up, it's just a matter of time, that and the kids are heading back to school now anyway so a few jobs should pop up due to students with summer jobs leaving them to go schooling again.

I need to find something to do

I wouldn't ask about the title, it seemed funny when I typed it. Anyhow the beard continues, I need to find something to do with my time, I've resorted to documenting my beard growth. I kind of remember someone doing this and taking daily photos of them self and making a montage video, I may do that at a later date. It's starting to show a little more growth although that may be me sitting slightly closer to the camera so I can see el beardo more clearly. I think I am going to leave it about a week so until the 11th then shave away the neck and checks leaving the goatee part more... dominant? Not the word I was looking for but it shall do. Yesterday I went out and did a solo Wayne's World Bohemian Rhapsody thing, it was awesome, I will do it properly at some point though, just need to find 4 willing suspects. Having the dog in the back of the car doesn't really count. At least she didn't chuck up this time, yeah the other day I was driving down to the beach, took her for a wander, got back into the car and what do I find? Doggy spew all over the back seat. Yummy. Luckily there was a seat cover thing in there so the back seat was safe. This lead to doggy being showered to get it nice and pukeless, she wasn't to impressed with being hosed down.

Day 2 of the beard

Day 2 of me officially growing my unemployment beard. It's a crappy picture and I'm half asleep and need more coffee. Pretty much no change since yesterday, it will become a magnificent beard in time.

My Unemployment Beard

So for no apparent reason I have decided (all of like two minutes ago) to grow an unemployment beard. It shall grow long and trampish until the day I find my self in a work based scenario where people give me money for doing stuff. I shall also be taking daily pictures of my beard and accompanied face to see the progress of said beard. I should of done this when I first lost my job at Christmas, it would be very long and fluffy by now, but never mind. It begins today the 4th of September, actually was a couple days ago as that was last time I shaved but records will begin today. Here is picture number one:

Status quo.

So I went to see Status Quo tonight, they where pretty good even from the back of the field where I spent most my time.It is a good thing Alnwick having a yearly festival, I use that term lightly but its getting drunk in a field watch live bands. That acquaints to festival like enviroment. Hopefully this will continue on and get bigger within time and become a well known gig among the nation there for being able to get more bands playing growing the 'concert'

Now I know my ABC's

I'm talking sign language ABC's just to clarify. I found a printout of the alphabet online and have been practising all day and can do them pretty well. I guess i should just start spelling out what I want to say and get quicker doing the hand gestures and start learn some words.

Learning to sign.

I have decided I want to learn sign language. A while ago I did start and learnt a little of the alphabet but gave up on it. I will follow through with the learning process of signing this time, (I just said I'll follow through). I do know that the fingers on I think it is your left hand are the vowels other than that I don't really know much else. I'll find somewhere that does beginner lessons, more than likely Youtube will have some, failing that there is always google. We will soon see. I have actually wanted to learn for awhile so instead of putting off any longer, I figured I will start learning once again as of tomorrow.

The names Bond, James Bond.

So yeah I have just finished downloading every single James Bond film in existence. So I think I may just be having a James Bond Marathon over the next few days. I haven't seen all that many of them to be honest. I think out of the 20 odd films theres been I've seen maybe 4 or 5 if that. Should be interesting.

God help you all.

So it appears I passed my driving test today, with 9 minors I think it was. Not to shabby, still had 6 more cocks ups to spare. Now I can legally be let loose on the roads. I then went on to celebrate with a pint and a pack of smokes. I see a pint a half 11 in the morning acceptable after my success, all that say otherwise are wrong. Then went home and got attacked by that nasty horrible vicious guard dog of mine because I left her alone for a a couple of hours, you would think that she'd been left alone for days. Poor little oggy dog.

That damn dog

So this morning, I'm quite happily lying in bed sleeping then I hear the dog scuttling about making some noise and she kind of wakes up up a little. I turn over to go back to sleep and there she is just staring at me. So I say hello and make a little bit fuss and try to get another couple hours. But shes still sat there staring and starts whining at me. So I assume she needs to go out in the garden or something, I drag myself out my pit and start heading downstairs. But does she follow me, no we wait until I get out my bed and she jumps up there and steals it for herself, curls up and goes to sleep. I get kicked out my own bed so I my dog can get a more comfortable place to sleep.

Balloon Modelling

A few weeks back I, for some reason that I can't remember now, bought some modelling balloons and started to learn to make balloon models. Believe it or not, the basics of it all are quite simple to learn and soon picked it up, learning how to make dogs, swords and basic hats. I later moved on, after getting some more balloons started doing some stuff that was a little more complex, like parrots and teddy bears which at first took awhile but now are quite simple. My latest creations which I am quite proud of is a 2 balloon dog and a monkey. I will upload some pictures maybe even videos of me in action. I am getting quite good at them now, I just need to widen the variety of things I can make.

Driving Test

So yeah I have my driving test coming up. On tuesday actually, I reckon I can drive well enough to pass if anything is going to get me it will be parallel parking. But I can drive no problem really. I reckon I'll pass. Hopefully the driving guy isn't in a shitty mood aswell I guess and mark me down for the smallest things. Anyway we shall soon see.

Breaking Bad

I've just started watching this show. I have had it downloaded on my computer for ages now but never got round to watching it. So I have started a Breaking Bad marathon over the past few days I'm upto mid season 3 at the moment and am quite hooked, tis a shame I've only just got just over half a season to go. The first few of episodes I wasn't to sure about it but it was one of those programs that grows on you the more you watch it as you connect more with the characters. But yeah tis good, I would recommend give the show a watch if you haven't see it before it's a good watch.

New Austin Powers

Mike Myers has signed up to return as Austin Powers in the fourth installment of the series. As of which James Bond film they will parody up this time we don't know yet. No doubt we will see the return of Michael Caine as Nigel Powers, Seth Green as Scott Evil and Verne Troyer as Mini Me, along with many of the characters Mike Myers plays himself.

The stuff I think about when I can't sleep.

Don't ask me why I thought of this but I think it was last night actually I sat and thinking how much time you must spend in your life on the toilet. I actually did a little math for the situation aswell again don't ask me why. Say the average crap takes about 4 minutes (I'm going on stats of me btw) and say you go for a dump every couple of days. Lets say that's 15 times a month, but then you get the occasional barbeques and nights on the booze which with me at least encourage more pooping, and yes I'm trying to use as many different words as I can for turds. Anyway I'm going to say I will drop the kids off at the pool about 20 times a month. Thats 80 minutes a month making it 960 minutes a year which is what 16 hours a year. Lets say you live 75 years. That's 1200 hours a life time which is 50 days of shit.